Okay, I am back again. This is take number three. Thank you guys for being patient with the technology. So this is an exciting day. I am waiting, um, for Halita come and join us on this live and we’re going to be doing some live coaching together. So I am adding Halita right. And I, and uh, I appreciate everyone’s patience. Ah, we got it.
Yeah, I know. I’m not sure what that was all about, but
can you hear me?
Yeah, I can hear you. Can you hear me?
Yes, I can hear you too. Okay, wonderful. So first of all, can you please introduce yourself, because I want to make sure it obviously my audience to me, I want to make sure that they know you and that I’m pronouncing your name correctly. Um, so could introduce yourself a little bit?
Hi Guys, my name is Halita. Um, some of you may have seen me floating around on Facebook. I don’t know yet, but, uh, I’m hearing impaired and so I’m an entrepreneur trying to get my business off the ground and I struggle with Anxiety so I reached out to Caitlin and see if she had any tips.
Yeah. Awesome. Well, Halita, you know, thank you for being so honest about that. And, and you know, I think it’s whenever I go live, I rarely have people comment on my lives and I always have people send me private messages because there’s so much shame and judgment around mental health and, um, even though where, you know, there’s so many factors that are affecting our mental health that are outside of our immediate control. So I just want to say thank you for having the courage to show up here and to be honest, um, about your experience and I promise to, make it very worth it for you, but for everybody who’s watching and joins us please comment, say hello to your, her odd as well, um, at whether or not you’re joining us live or watching the replay. It’s a really meaningful thing to do.
So, um, so let’s start talking anxiety. So, so you were giving me a little bit of context today, so, so tell me for ’em and you start asking some questions around how do I, uh, how could, when I’m feeling like super, super anxious, how can I kind of slow things down and get into my breath? Um, elaborate on that question a little bit more. So talk to me about scenarios or situations where you feel like you kind of get stuck, um, in anxiety or you don’t know or you’re unable to come into your breath. Tell me a little bit more about the kind of circumstance. Um,
well my, I think most of my anxiety is, uh, I grew up in a kind of a interesting emotional family. But other than that, uh, I have a lot of perfectionist issues. I tend to over judge myself and think I have to be perfect at everything. And so I think that causes my anxiety, this spike, and it’s something I’m trying to work on. I’m trying to learn. It’s okay, just breathe, you’re going to be kind of thing. And sometimes it comes out of nowhere. And is like, well, what would they so anxious about? Like, I didn’t see anything happening that made me feel a little kind of off kilter, so to speak. So, yeah.
Yeah. So, you know, I think, let’s, let’s dive into that. You know, we have, of course there’s a million directions we can go with what you just said because perfectionism is absolutely a very powerful driver of anxiety
In our culture. Um, where people are not always as brave as you show up like this. And, you know, it’s easy to fall into comparison and to feel like other people are doing better and other people are happy or whatever. Um, so, and, and to feel like we’re just not measuring up to that, that more perfect standard that everybody else seems to be hitting. So that’s definitely one way we could go. But let’s talk a little bit more about, you know, like why you get anxious in the first place. Right? So one one we said is like perfectionism. Those are holding you back from what
you supposed to be or, you know, standards that feel that are unachievable in a moment. That’s real. But the other thing that you said, which I get a lot and I want to talk about this today, is that sometimes you don’t even know why you’re anxious. Like all of a sudden you just feel really anxious and you don’t have a good reason for it. Right? Like if nobody’s there cause you’re not really thinking negative, actively negative thoughts. Um, but suddenly anxiety comes up. Right? And so the question is how do you handle that kind of anxiety? Is it reminding yourself, you’re safe, cause it just coming into your body, like what is it? So tell me a little bit about what you tend to do in those situations and where you really tend to get like stuck or unable to kind of move through those situations with grace and working through that.
Um, I guess my biggest thing is I tried to remember to breathe and guessing Holly does what everyone moved me. And it doesn’t always happen when I’m going through it. And I, I feel like I’m a little bit more rare than most people because I can’t find that one thing to focus on. So most of the time when I’m going through the panic attack over anxiety, it’s better for me to slowly talk to someone about it, like my sister or a close friend. But most of the time I just feel kind of silly and even crying or freaking out about it. And I don’t know, I put my biggest thing is I didn’t need help remembering you’re ok. What’s good about the moment? Now the sky’s not falling down. Chicken little, oh, like a lot of people like to say, I’m Kinda like chicken little where I this not so much out of control and more scared and nervous.
Awesome. So, you know, so I want to start by saying a few things. Number one is these situations where we become anxious just because like we don’t know why, right? It’s not like somebody or triggering us or we have to go give a talk. Um, very frequently. That’s not, uh, you know, that’s not actually because of nothing. So if you think about it, the body is perceiving at every single second about 60,000 different pieces of information. And the way that the body and the brain are programs is that if any of those individual like things, so it could be a smell, it could be a color, it could be in a person like an energy, it could be all of these different guys. If any of those things in the past for you have caused, um, negative experience, meaning, uh, discomfort, anxiety, sadness, trauma, anything like that, your brain is going to try to hijack you to get away from whatever that situation is or whatever that thing is and therefore it’s making you feel anxious, right?
So it starts sending like sudden panic. It makes it look like, it makes it hard to feel like you can breathe all this kind of stuff. Cause it’s basically perceiving things. Now your conscious mind is only perceiving about 5%, and that’s on our best days. So, um, you know, there’s so many things that could be happening energetically, you know, and, and anxious people tend to be very sensitive to kind of energy in the environment. So, um, I don’t know if that resonates with you but so it’s important not to try to figure out why your feeling anxious because let’s be honest, you have to sift through often 60,000 different pieces of information just to be able to figure out like what’s happening here, what is triggering me? Like what is this? Right? So I love what you said that like you try to just start to get into the breath. Um, and that’s what’s really important, right? Is like not to say, Hey, what’s going on? What do I need to remind myself on safe of what do I do? I would stay out of your head completely because this is not a, not something we can logically figure out. This is something that we feel a sense of safety. Right? So I love that you start with that and that you say like, okay, I go to breath now. What gets you, what stops you from being able to just gently, easily move into slow, flowy, nice breath when you’re feeling anxious or panic? Like what, what stops that?
Um, I think it’s my brain knows. Well there’s something here that kind of freaking you out until I tend to dwell or focus on that rather than change my mindset and like once I get through it, I’m fine. And then I learned one time, gotten drew it in the moment. I have a very hard time getting unstuck on the thing I’m focused on.
So here’s what I want to suggest to you. So, um, the first and first of all, it’s just kind of re approving a lot of what your intuition is all the way already been driving to. So like I said, number one, there’s 60 different things that it could potentially 60,000 different things that can potentially, so you don’t try to figure it out, right? And the fastest way, there’s a few ways that you can start to get out of your head and get into your body because your body can get into a safe energy really quickly. So, um, number one is breath like you said, but a lot of people can’t start literally physically feel so constrained that they can go in that moment. So a really nice thing to do is to turn upside down. So I’m like literally it’s kind of like, and so you first like you can grab your, you’ve grabbed yourself like this, like really hold yourself and then you literally just hang upside down.
So what happens, there is so many things shift in your perspective so quickly that it gives you about a three second opening to be able to change, like your perception, your energy, and get back into your body. So just turning upside down can be really, really powerful. And then just start the breathing from there. And once again, once you’ve calmed down your body, then of course you can start to work with your mind like, hey, there’s nothing to be scared of. I’m safe, it’s all good. Like, whatever it is, I’m powerful. I’m strong and amazing. Like I, I’ve gotten through so much worse than whatever’s your day, right? You can always get into your head a little later, but in the beginning, it’s really important to stay in your body. And one of the fastest ways to do that is to turn upside down because it shifts your perspective and it sends a lot of oxygen to your brain, um, which is also makes your brain perceive more safety.
Um, so that’s a really powerful way to do it. Another really powerful way to get into your body, right, if you can’t immediately plug into the breath, is to have something cold. Um, so, and, and so like if you have an ice cube, um, or anything very cool, you could just run it over. Your risks are literally five seconds. That tube will shock your system so much that you’ll have an opening there to get into your brain. Right? And that’s what we’re here for. We’re here to kind of like shock the system from this, like contracted state into this, like what’s happening and so, and, uh, okay. I can shift in, I can invite in something else. So turning upside down is really powerful. Putting something cold on you is really powerful. Um, and then the other thing that can be really helpful is if you have, do you have a favorite song? Like a song that just makes you feel like, Oh yum, happiness deliciousness. I am like good loves, safe do for you.
Um, I would have to say the fight song from Rachel plot and it’s pretty much my go to song my sister founded about a year ago and two like this really reminds me of you. You should listen to them. And then ever since then I’ve kind of taken to it so.
Well that’s amazing. Um, and I love that song too. ” This is my fight song…”
what you want, what you can do. Again, if you can’t get into the breadth, right, if you feel like, okay, I know once I start slow breathing, I’ll calm down, but I’m not able to cross that frontier into my body. I’m just stuck in like racing thoughts. Just blast that song, your fight song, the fight song as loud as possible because here’s what happens, right? Your brain has associations with the fight song, which is joy, happiness, strength, love, courage, peace, whatever it is. And so when that song starts to come on, once again, it’s gonna produce some happy chemicals in you and enough and it’s going to create enough of a bodily change just so that you’re empowered enough in that moment to then actively and conscientiously bring your energy into your body and start to breathe and start to just like slow it down.
But you know, it’s funny cause you know there’s all this huge, there’s so many worlds we study around psychology and therapy and things like that and how to work with anxiety. But a lot of times the best way to do it is just to take literally all that powerful energy inside of you and, and put it into joy. Put it into this energy that this song gives you. So sing the song, allow the song to be really used that energy as you’re singing that song. And then one’s the song goes on. You just start to breathe. Now, tell me how you brief, tell me what’s your, how do you get into your breath and, um, calm yourself down? Like what’s, how do you do that what’s your practice?
Um, I, I guess the biggest thing is I try to take a deep breath and if I can’t right away and just slowly increase the air, as I start to calm down a little bit. Sometimes they’ll just be like, uh, a rushed breathing. But
Speaker 3: (14:32)
then It’s just kinda its just ok,
So guys like exhale, inhale slowly.
Speaker 3: (14:41)
So for sure.
And so that’s, that’s the other thing that I wanted to like, I love, it’s that you have the slow inhale and slowly exhale and that’s very important. A few other suggestions around, um, your, how to breathe. So, so first, in order to get your body to start, like just be able to breathe slow, you do something to change the energy or bring in a little bit of silliness or joy. So something called your favorite song. Go upside down.
Speaker 3: (15:11)
Shifted so that, um, you get some power back and then what you want to do is in addition to breathing slow, you want to breathe. What you want to do is you want to put your hands on your body. And so we want to put one hand on your heart and one hand on your belly. And when you put your hands on your heart, you want to literally just like feel like it’s like this. Just like gentle embrace, like a lover’s embrace. Just like, hmm. Yeah, may I love that. So much like that kind of really like have your hands on your heart and then your other hands on your belly. And one way to keep your awareness in your breath because anxiety again is so much about like getting hijacked and like overthinking, but to keep your awareness on your breath. You really keep your awareness on w on your hand, on your belly. So you feel this hand here, you feel this hand on your belly and then you breathe out in for four seconds. You feel your belly expand and you’re counting.
Speaker 3: (16:08)
do three, four and then you’re holding it. And then you’re exhaling. And um, when you’re, so when you add that counting, first of all, that’s one more piece of mindfulness that is in your body. And second of all is that having the physical touch here, it also relates safety to yourself. Um, and so there’s actually been studies done that, when her own hearts in a really loving way. It actually releases oxytocin, the same chemical of like when our moms used to cuddle with us and hold us, or when your kids are, hopefully they did, you know? And so if you can actually get that chemical softening, easier lacks within yourself. So one hand on your heart, one hand on your belly, count the breath as you breathe in and out. I’m really just allow that breath to be like, you know, and just say, okay, I’m coming back to the numbers. I’m coming back to the numbers. You don’t even have to say, I’m safe. I’m safe, I’m safe, I’m safe, I’m calm, I’m calm, I’m calm. Because sometimes that creates a war with, with your brain, right? So your brain is saying you’re not taking, you’re not safe. You’re not safe, you’re not safe. You, you are trying to say, no, I am.
No, I am. No, I am. No I am. A lot of times that actually creates more fire, more anxiety because it’s like a work between your mind and your body. So the goal is not to have thoughts going at each other. The goal is to just simply drop into your body and communicate through breath and through movement. So anything you can do to be really slow in your breathing and that helps by touching your physical body and breathing in and breathing out, holding your heart. Those are the kinds things that will actually keep you in your body and then eventually you feel eventually within a few minutes you’ll feel relaxation and it never has to come from your head because you know and I know that 90% of the time when you feel anxious, it’s not about a logical thing, right? Actually it’s an electrical thing happening, it’s actually just a bodily response to one of 60,000 different pieces of information person and we just got to teach our buddy, hey, hey like girl. Hi Baby, a beautiful whatever feels good to you. I can feel my own presence on my heart. I can feel my hand on my belly, I can feel myself breathing in and breathing out and that it, that is what will allow your body to then tell your brain we’re safe. You don’t have to be forcing thoughts. You just stay in the body experience and music and cold water and all that kind of stuff will really, really support that process. But ultimately self touch is the biggest tool that will really help you stay there in your body.
Well thank you for those tips and something I’ll definitely, I’m trying, when I’m experiencing the anxiety, I never thought of that.
Yeah, well you know it’s, I have to say it’s not your fault because um, I went to therapy school at like the, I went to Columbia University, which is the number one school for this program, um, in the world. And I was like, I thought I knew everything when I graduated. And literally nobody ever talked to me the whole time I was there about like putting your hands on your body or any body. It was a very neck up experience. And so the best therapist in the world and some of the best training in the world still have not learned about the power of the body to actually reshape, calm down and sued the mind and so naturally you didn’t think of it. And, and, and, but now it’s, uh, as you start to do it, I’m really excited for you to share your experience with me. Um, because it’s one of those magical things that you realize, wow, I don’t have to figure it all out. It does not that I’m going to have to psych myself out or try to talk to myself a certain way or be able to access certain understandings or no, in fact, like my body’s got it. All I gotta do is show up to it. Um, so up to move group dance, touch things, and then you can, then your body will soothe your mind. Does that make sense?
I know when I was younger I used to grab a blanket and my teddy bears or something and that’s how I would relax. But yeah. Yep.
Yes, I am so glad you mentioned that because that’s the other important thing for everyone watching to know is that the opposite of anxiety. Everyone thinks the opposite of anxieties is peace and calm. It’s not the opposite of anxiety is love. The opposite of anxiety is connection. Like think about it when you feel super connected to the people in a room that you’re there with or if you feel super connected to your body. If you feel super, super connected to your purpose in a moment, you don’t feel anxiety, you know? And so it’s actually just about love and connection. So when you like that, that brilliant child that you were who hadn’t even developed intellect yet, right? So, so and thank goodness, so the body knew, go get that teddy bear, go get that blanket. They activate loving you. And when you have literally this is, this is biochemically true. When you have the chemicals of love working in your body, then they physically cannot coexist with those chemicals of fear and anxiety. And so yeah, like I tell people all the time, right? Like the journey of our lives is to go back to how small we are when we were kids.
And so trust that trust, trust your body, trust your teddy bear, trust your favorite song, just your blanket. I do. And I’ll do it until I’m dead. It’s not a juvenile actually that when we were younger, we hadn’t been in the school system so long that we were, we were only evaluated on our brains. Um, we had still, you know, a lot of the intelligence in our body and we just have to get the strength of practicing. That again.
Sounds pretty great. I appreciate you talking to me today. Yeah. Well it was my pleasure and thank you again.
I really appreciate you, first of all, dealing with the technology issues and second courage to show up here live and talk about this. So, so much gratitude and appreciation. Again, if you’re, uh, in the comments, congratulate Halita, she was amazing. And let us know if you, if this is helpful to you and how down the say goodbye. Thank you so much for your time and letting me know how that goes as you begin to be in your body. Okay. Thank you. Bye.
P.S. Whenever you’re ready… here are 4 ways I can help you embrace self-love and build bulletproof mental health:
1. Grab my free video training on the holistic 5-step approach to let anxiety lead you to your best life
For 15 years, I needed prescriptions to quiet my inner critic and keep my fear to a dull roar. But I finally learned how to heal my mind, body, and soul through natural methods. In this training, I show you exactly how I did it – and how you can too! — Click Here
2. Practice self-compassion with me and feel loved
Love is the most healing energy in the world, and it’s here waiting for you. This 20-minute meditation will make you feel loved and at ease. — Click Here
3. Join Freedom From Anxiety and create bulletproof mental health through nutrition, yoga, mindfulness, and lifestyle design
Do you need to learn how to silence unwanted, intrusive thoughts and redirect that energy to self-love and aligned living that feels amazing! Then this program is exactly what you’ve been waiting for. A four-month, mind-body-soul reboot with rave reviews. — Click Here
4. Work with me privately 1-on-1
Are you ready to build a wildly joyful, fulfilling and successful life? Working with me 1-on-1 is the way to go. We’ll nurture your ability to love yourself, make bold choices, dissolve your fears, and deliberately design your career, relationships, and daily habits to achieve what really matters to you. — Click Here