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Transcript:

Caitlin: (00:00)
Hello everyone. I am so sorry that I have been missing for so long. I don’t know. Um, if any of you saw that earlier posts that I made, I, I got that book deal, which is so exciting. Um, and really I cannot wait for this book to be released because it’s going to absolutely be life changing. It’s, um, it’s really about how to have a sustainable path to creating positivity within your mind and within your life. Um, and I wanted, and so to do that project, I’ve just been completely undercover all summer long, just writing away, writing away. Sorry, I’ve disappeared. But I’m back and I’m so excited to share with you the topic that we have for today, which is why your inner critic just will not quit. Right? So, you know, when we talk about positive thinking, right? Like we all think that it’s a, it’s a great thing to think positive and to feel good and all this kind of stuff.

Caitlin: (01:05)
And one of the biggest barriers that we face towards feeling good and towards having a positive experience more often is our inner critic, right? So the inner critic is that voice inside of your head that’s either beating you up all the time or reminding you about your mistakes all the time or telling you you can’t do something or just belittling you out or predicting a negative outcome in something that you’re trying to put your energy into. So that’s your inner critic. And you know, a lot of people get really frustrated because they say, you know, I tried to just distract myself so that voice will go away. Or I try to like yell at that voice and say like, you’re wrong. Like it’s not true that I’m not a nice person or that I’m not good enough for love or that I’m unworthy of a, you know, the success that I want professionally or you know, anything like that.

Caitlin: (02:04)
And when I find that that voice, it just gets louder and louder. And so that’s, that’s accurate because, that voice is actually serving a very, very important purpose in your life. You’re not going to be able to get rid of that voice until you address that individual real important cause that it’s serving in your life. So whether you believe it or not, your inner critic is actually trying to help you and she or he is, she’s actually fulfilling a need. Let me tell you what that need is. It’s a sense of, so if you struggle with, you know, anxiety or low self esteem steam, or just feeling in general, kind of like a victim in your life, then oftentimes w you, you know, say, okay, well, hey, there’s this presentation I have to give at work or there’s this data about this really cute person and your inner voice might start immediately tapping in.

Caitlin: (03:09)
Um, hi Andrew. Hi Danielle. Hello everybody. Say Hello. It’s so, so nice to see you guys again. Uh, and now that I’m back. And so, so often that inner voice, is saying those things in order to make you feel in control and safe. So for example, let’s, let’s take, let’s think about that presentation that you have to give at work, right? If your inner critic tells you, Hey, you know, you’re gonna suck, you’re gonna mess this up. You’re going to screw this up. This is, you’re not going to be good at this. You’re going to be terrible at this. What does that do? It keeps your expectations really, really, really, really low so that you don’t have to deal with feeling disappointed within yourself later. And so this inner voice is actually specifically saying these kinds of things because it’s trying to get you to keep your expectations so low that you can’t hurt yourself later, that you can’t feel disappointed.

Caitlin: (04:02)
And it’s even trying to make it that you don’t even take any risks at all. Right? So maybe you’ve been practicing this new public speaking technique that involves storytelling or being more animated or something like that, but it’s risky to bring that kind of emotion into your public speaking or try to tell a joke in your public speaking, right? That’s not, that’s all scary. And so what your inner critic is going to do is she’s going to say, you’re not going to be funny. You’re not going to be able to do this. Other people are better than you. Uh, you know, and she’ll try to take you down so that you don’t take that risk. Because that risk involves, so how much feelings of vulnerability and potentially it involves you being let down. Nobody laughing at your joke or your new speaking technique not going through.

Caitlin: (04:48)
So she will try to keep you safe or he will try to keep you safe, sabotage you, and make you feel like, okay, well if I just keep my expectations low, I don’t expect anything myself. I don’t think I’m not good. I don’t think I’m gonna say it right. I, I can’t, I can’t disappoint myself or other people if I keep the bar super, super, super low. And I listened to them believe my inner critic. Right? And so this happens all the time where people feel like, why won’t she shut up? Why won’t this voice shut up? Why won’t she stop reminding me of all the ways that I’ve screwed up or hurt myself or, or hurt other people or whatever, whatever. Well because she’s saving you from the vulnerability, the deep vulnerability of knowing that it’s possible to make mistakes again, and having to go through that heartbreak, that disappointment, which is so much worse than just a few negative thoughts before the experience.

Caitlin: (05:38)
Right? And so similarly, if you in after the fact, right? Let’s say you go and give a presentation and it’s awesome, um, or maybe it’s not, who knows? Your inner critic might convince you otherwise. She’s probably gonna say something like, Hey, you know, you gave this presentation, um, and don’t, don’t, you know, I know it seemed like it went well, but you actually made a bunch of mistakes. You didn’t live up to your potential. You didn’t do all this kind of stuff. Why, why is she doing this? Well, because this is keeping you safe from then saying, oh my God, I did a good job. Now I get to take another step and another step and another step I get to try again. I get to take more risk. I get to go bigger. No, no, no, no, no. She wants you to stay safe.

Caitlin: (06:23)
So do not positively appraise right now. Of course, we, we sometimes inherit, this inner critic voice from parental figures or other authority figures that we have throughout our life. So I’m in no way saying that you are the ones like allowing your inner critic or wanting or cultivating your inner critic. But that voice is there because she’s trying to keep you safe and she’s trying to protect you now. And she’s been doing that for many, many, many, many years. Right? And so the general rule for you to remember is that anything that relieves stress or tension in the future is going to continue to persist in your life, right? Why do we have a drink when we go into a party? Well, some people just like alcohol, but many, many people, especially my audience, and I know many of you struggle with the social anxiety, all of these, all of these expectations and things like this, right?

Caitlin: (07:22)
So you, you, you are almost reliant on having that first drink because so, so that you don’t have to feel the vulnerable feelings of going in and making awkward conversation and figuring out how to connect with new people and all that kind of stuff. Right? So that’s why alcohol can even become such a deep part of your life and your social experiences because it relieves the stress intention that you’d have to otherwise feel in the future, right? So your negative inner voice is doing the same thing she is, or he is protecting you from taking risks so that you don’t have to feel disappointed in the future. You don’t have to feel like you’ve let yourself down. So now that you know that right now that you know that this inner critic is actually trying to be an ally, and I know, of course it doesn’t feel like that in the moment.

Caitlin: (08:11)
It’s not nice to have that negative voice go on and on and on and Chirp, Chirp, Chirp in your head. We all know that. And yet she is saving you from a larger sense of disappointment or a more difficult experience in the future. And so now that you know that she’s there to help you and be your ally, even if she does it very poorly, your job is to start to, I relate to her differently and help her understand that you are capable of dealing with those consequences. Dealing with the embarrassment, dealing with the failure, dealing with the uncertainty, dealing with the all those that she’s trying to protect you from with all of her criticism. So what you, let’s think, let’s go back to this example of public speaking, right? Or speaking in a meeting or speaking any really in any, in front of any audience, right?

Caitlin: (09:12)
She’s going to tell you, you can’t do this. You’re going to screw this up. You’re really bad at this. You’re not prepared enough. All this kind of stuff. Voice, voice, voice, voice, voice. First thing to do is just meet her rather than with like, I hate you. Please shut up. Why are you talking to me like this with just, hey girl, thank you for trying to help me. I know what you’re trying to do. You’re trying to keep me safe from future embarrassment, future risks, future vulnerabilities, future disappointment. And I so appreciate that. I appreciate your intention and you, you have this conversation inwardly. You know, you might feel in your body where your inner critic lives. I know for me, my inner critic lives in my throat. I get so, my mouth gets so dry and uh, whenever I’m in that mode, maybe for you it’s your belly or your shoulders.

Caitlin: (10:00)
Just imagine relating to a certain part of your body as this voice, right? Wherever you feel her most present, wherever you feel your body gets most anxious and tight because you’re in that voice and you’re just saying, hey, I want to acknowledge you’re here to help me and not just beat me up, right? So you start with that. That is a fancy way of practicing acceptance, right? We all know that acceptance is so, so, so important when we’re working with negative emotions and negative experiences, right? Whatever you resist persists, but whatever you accept or allow will really start to soften so you don’t resist that voice. You just allow it to invite it in, let it, let it be right. And then you say, Hey, I know your intention is this. I know your intention is to keep me safe from future disappointment or any other negative emotion that I might have to experience if this, if this doesn’t go well.

Caitlin: (10:53)
Um, but you know what? Last time I was public speaking, it actually went pretty well. And even though I did mess up in one way, like I did kind of screw things up, by giving a wrong data points at the wrong time, um, I was able to recover from that mistake. I was able to get back on track. Um, and you know, it didn’t affect me longterm. So plus I wasn’t the only person to make a mistake. I noticed that the person who spoke before me and the person who spoke after me also made mistakes, right? So what you’re doing is you’re telling your, your inner critic, Hey, first of all, I accept you. I appreciate you. I know you’re here for the good. Let’s not create some, some more war inside. We already have enough stress. Then you say, and I know that you’re trying to protect me from feeling so disappointed or taking risks or, but I don’t need that protection because believe it or not, last time I did this, I was pretty successful, or I recovered well, right?

Caitlin: (11:52)
And so start to dialogue in this way, specifically talking about how you are capable of handling whatever future outcomes you might be scared of or you might be or your inner critic might be warning you about. Right? And you just think, you know what? I can totally handle that. That’s totally safe. I totally, totally got that. You know, and the chances are that you do, right, that you actually can handle betrayal and disappointment and embarrassment and all of these many difficult things that we have to feel in the human experience. You’ve probably already felt them many times in your life and you’re still alive. You’re watching this video so you can handle it, right. I know you can. You know you can and you have to just remember that and talk gently to your inner critic, right? When she doesn’t feel like she has to fulfill that need of trying to protect you from something she quiets down, right?

Caitlin: (12:48)
And so number one, don’t resist except allow, acknowledge her purpose and her value and thank her for that. And number two is then say, hey, you know all the things you’re trying to protect me from. I’ve got this, remember this, remember this. And the more sensory you can be about that experience. In other words, the more mind body. This can be not just like a random thought, hey, I got this shut up in their inner critic. But like really reliving those experiences where you made it through or you turned out fine or you rose above or you actually succeeded reliving those positive experiences visually. Seeing them, remembering the people, remembering the way you felt when you did. Okay. Right. Really bringing in a felt sense. That’s what really starts to shift the experience inside. Hey inner inner critic. I know you think I’m not going to do well when I’m talking in front of my boss tomorrow.

Caitlin: (13:45)
And I know you’re warning that all this stuff. Thank you. I appreciate you trying to protect me. But you know what? Last time I talked to my boss actually, and you close your eyes and you see it and you feel it and you know it, it went fine. He even praised me. It was great. I feel those feelings have those sensations. Notice your body will shift literally, right? You have a different physical poise when you’re feeling more or less. So allow yourself to get to that place and say, all right, inner critic. So we’re going to walk hand in hand right now into that meeting. And I’m totally open to what you have to say, but I know that mostly you’re just trying to keep me safe from anything you know, from any risk at all. And if we never took a single risk, I wouldn’t have even learned to walk.

Caitlin: (14:25)
I would have never had any relationships. Right? And so you really just have this loving conversation with your inner critic and that’s the way she learns that she’s no longer necessary. And she starts to quiet down. And in fact I have found that when those two, when my inner critic and my inner coach as I like to call them, can kind of live hand in hand and hold hands and be together, then I feel whole. And that is what we’re talking about and radiant wholeness, right? We’re not talking about cutting off one part of you, forgetting one part of you, you know, making it so that you never have any weaknesses or that you will hide all your weaknesses really well. No, we’re just integrating all the different parts of you that help you on different levels. So your inner critic helps you in certain ways.

Caitlin: (15:18)
Your inner coach helps you in certain ways, right? You’re, you’re all of the thoughts and the feelings and the, and the experiences and the relationships that you have are here to serve you. You just have to figure out how and integrate them into one sense of inner wholeness. So I hope that was helpful for you guys. Have a very, very wonderful Labor Day weekend and I will see you again next week. By the way, if you guys have questions about your inner critic or about the path to positivity and sustainable positivity, send them my way. I love doing videos that are helpful for specific people and everybody thinks like, oh, she’s not going to answer my email. She’s not going to choose mine, or she’s not going to pick mine, or I don’t know her. Why would I, you know, open up vulnerably to her about this thing in my life? You know what, that you’re totally entitled to feel that way and choose that. But in my mind, um, the community that I have here is very, very, very special and I really always try to answer every single person and address every single question. This is not just some big broad livestream. This is an individual, really one-on-one heart to heart as much as it can be online. So thanks for two minutes tuning in and I will see you guys soon. Namaste

P.S. Whenever you’re ready… here are 4 ways I can help you embrace self-love and build bulletproof mental health:

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