Hello, everyone. I want to talk to you today about how to overcome your biggest fears. Say hi as you’re coming on this live today. I’ll be here for about 10 minutes. We’re really going to talk about how to overcome your fears and, really, your biggest fears, those fears that just sabotage you from making progress all the time. We’re going to talk about that today.
But I want to know who’s here. I want to know what you’re scared of, what kind of fears you need to address, so make sure you wave hello, say hello, comment, and we can really make this a dialogue together.
As most of you know, if you’re new here, my name is Caitlin Margaret. I’m so happy to have you here. I’m a life coach who focuses primarily on mental and emotional health and wellness. The reason that we focus there is because when your mental and emotional health are sound, then you can pretty much achieve anything you want in your life because you know how to deal with fear and sadness and overwhelm and stress and negativity, but when you don’t know how to deal with those emotions and you don’t know what they mean or how to interpret them or how to control them or work with them, then you end up getting hijacked, you end up acting in ways that you don’t want to act, you don’t end up going after your goals because your mind and body are a mess. Amazing Acting, hi. I don’t know your name, so say hello, and tell me your name.
We’re focusing today on this emotional aspect, which is most prevalent in people with a lot of anxiety, which is fear. Let’s talk about the nature of fear for a second because when I ask people what they’re anxious about… Oh, Janet. It’s you. Hi. Good to see you. When I ask people what they are scared about, they’ll tell me a very physical outcome that they’re afraid of.
For example, “I’m afraid that I won’t get the part that I’m auditioning for,” or, “I’m afraid that when I break up with my boyfriend, I’ll realize that nobody will ever love me that much, or I’ll have to be alone all my life,” or, “I’m afraid to ask for that raise because I don’t want my boss to think that I don’t respect him or her,” or whatever it is. There’s actual outcomes. “I’m afraid to get up and leave New York and move to California because I’m afraid I won’t find job security there.” There’s these very physical/technical outcomes that we’re looking for.
When I ask about this… Hey, Rob. Thanks for saying hello. When I ask for this… Hey, Pam. Nice to have you here too. Tell me in the comments, guys, what you’re most afraid of, and that way, I can make it really practical for you as we’re going. But… Hey, Jessica. Nice to have you here as well. Thank you for showing up. Tell me, you guys, in the comments what are some of your biggest fears, and we can use these tools to work through them together today.
Like I was saying, we talk about and we define our fears in terms of these external outcomes. We say, “Oh, I’m afraid that he won’t like me, I’ll get rejected, I won’t get the… ” whatever it is, but when you got a little deeper with that, and I ask you a question like, “Let’s say you move to California, and you’re not able to find a stable job. Tell me what’s so bad about that?” “Well, then I will feel like I’m a failure.” “Okay, tell me what’s so bad about that.” “Then I’m going to be sad every day and not want to get out of bed.” “Okay, tell me what’s so bad about that.” “If I don’t get out of bed, then I’ll probably die all alone and nobody will ever love me,” or whatever it is.
You can see how when you start to get intimate with the fear, you realize two things. Number one is that you realize that what you’re scared of is, first of all, not very likely to happen. When you really go deep into the fear, that “I’ll move to California and I won’t find job security” becomes “I’ll die alone,” and that’s why it’s such a paralyzing fear in your body because your brain subconsciously is always going to that end of that chain, the why, why, why, why is that scary, why is that scary. It’s always going to the end of that, even if that’s not consciously in your mind.
That’s why these fears, which shouldn’t seem like they should be so all-consuming or shut us down completely from working on our dreams, often tend to get really overwhelming. Thank you, Janet, for that example about having no funds to survive, and I’m going to bring that specifically up as well.
Number one is that you actually realize, “Okay, this fear that is controlling me subconsciously is not actually consciously controlling me,” meaning I’m consciously thinking of just this one little thing, but the deeper thing that I’m allowing to manifest is happening inside of me. That’s the first reason you have to get intimate with the fear.
But the second more important insight here is that we realize that we’re not actually scared of, for example, like you said, Janet, running out of money. We’re actually scared of what we would have to feel if we didn’t have any money. Not having any money, what might you have to feel? Well, you might have to feel hunger. You might have to feel embarrassment. You might have to feel vulnerability. You might have to feel shame. You might have to feel fear. Those are emotional feelings in your body. That would be the hardest part of the experience.
The physical experience of not having money in your hand actually is not what’s going to tank you and take you down. It’s the emotional experience that you’re avoiding, and so, “I don’t have to feel like a failure. I don’t want to have to feel the fear. I don’t want to have to feel the sadness. I don’t want to have to feel the vulnerability or the shame,” but guess what? The good thing is that when you’re scared of a feeling, you can manage your feelings, you can own your feelings, you can work with your feelings, and you don’t have to feel those particular feelings. They pass in a moment’s time.
You’re not actually scared of the “no money.” You’re scared of feeling fear and overwhelm of “how will I get more money?” But if you learn to train yourself to say, “Hey, when fear comes up in my body, I don’t need to let it paralyze me or throw me into tremendous amounts of negativity or make me believe that this is going to be my reality forever. I can actually work with this emotion. I can use my thoughts to remember all of the times that I’ve been in hard and difficult situation before where somehow I’ve managed to get through. I can remember all of the people that I could immediately tap into, all of the resources available in this country, in this world. I can remember all the miracles that happened every day.”
You can start to use your thoughts to shift it, and that will be a first big step to start to shift you out of the emotion, but the other thing that you can do is literally physically change your biochemistry. One really powerful, powerful tool here, it’s so simple, but it really works is when you’re feeling fear in your body, scream what you’re afraid of, and then laugh like crazy.
This is called laughter yoga. I know it seems small, and I know it seems kind of crazy, but for example, “Oh, my god. I lost $10,000… ” If you can really, really laugh about it, I mean laugh about it, I mean get joyful about it, then that fear, that emotion changes inside of you. When you say, “Oh, I have no money, but… ” then you get to be really light and energetic about how you then go about navigating that crisis.
Now, in the history of our time, people have been able to navigate not having money over and over and over and over. Chances are, people were in much worse situations than you, people were much less education, had much fewer resources and all those kinds of things. You can absolutely imagine both mentally and physically how this fear is sitting there, it’s paralyzing your body, it’s giving you negative thoughts, but it’s not the reality. When you go into the fear, you realize, “I’m afraid of having no money,” you’re not actually afraid of not having any money in your hands. I don’t have any money in my hands right now. I’m not feeling fear. I’m just feeling fear of the emotion I would have to experience, and you can shift your emotions with the way you move your body, the way you choose to react and respond to something, and the thoughts that go through your mind.
One example that I gave was laughter, and laughter works so well. For example, what it does is it creates a new neural pathway, which says, “I lost $10… ” Oh, okay, then your body reads that as this isn’t a survival issue, this isn’t a “you’re going to die” issue, we don’t have to put all that adrenaline into your body that makes you feel like you’re freaking out. This is just something that happens in the course of life and humanity. How can we calmly deal with this?
I’m going to come to Pamela now. Pamela’s saying, “That’s a rough one. I work, so I moved to Trenton, Missouri because the people I feel make me anxious.” Okay, cool. Again, Pam, let’s go into, for a second, the people you meet make you anxious, and so, therefore, you avoid meeting those people because they bring up anxiety, aka fear and overwhelm in your body, right?
Imagine now, you’re not actually afraid of those people. You are afraid of those feelings of overwhelm, but you can change them. You can start to think, “Oh, my god. All these people, they drive me crazy. They don’t love me. They don’t respect me. They don’t think I’m good enough. They don’t recognize the divine light within. Well, you know what? I’m going to go into that space, and I’m just going to love the hell out of myself. I’m going to respect the hell out of myself. I’m going to recognize my own divine light, and I’m going to take this as a challenge to do that for myself.” If you go in, literally bathing yourself in love mentally, physically, emotionally, then your experience with those people with change.
Similarly, if you go in, and you’re like, “Nobody’s talking to me here… ” or maybe you say, “Nobody’s talking to me,” what would my angel say about this right now if you believe in your angels or your spirit guides or whatever it is. You change the way that you feel emotionally in the situation, and then you will no longer have the fear because your fear is not actually of the outcome or of the people or of the place. Your fear is of having to feel that emotion, and guess what, you don’t have to feel that emotion. You can transform that emotion with your thoughts and with moving your body. That is the art of yoga.
Let’s talk about Jessica for a second. Jessica says, “I’m afraid of being a single mom, afraid of no romantic partner will ever truly me, et cetera.” Okay, awesome. Jessica, that is a huge, huge, huge, huge fear. There’s this… It’s crazy, right? Think about the fear of not being loved or not having an intimate partner and being alone all your life. We’re born to go on the journey of love, so of course, that’s incredibly, incredibly scary and potentially paralyzing because we start to think that we’re not going to be able to be worthy of love, and that’s the entire journey of our lives is to love and be loved. That’s why we’re here.
What are you having to feel? You’re having to feel sadness. You’re having to feel loneliness. You’re having to feel, again, maybe fear, maybe stiffness, whatever. What is it in your body that you are actually physically feeling that you don’t want to have to feel? Notice it. Where does it live. Does it live in your shoulders? Does it live in your heart? Does it live in your chest? Does it live in your stomach? Where is that physical feeling, and then notice the emotion that you’re having, the sadness or the anger or the overwhelm. Notice that feeling that you’re having, and just say, “I’m going to have the same experience right now. I’m going to go into this experience of being alone as a mom all my life, and I’m going to choose to bring new emotions to it, I’m going to choose to bring new thoughts to it, I’m going to choose to bring a new physicality to it.”
Imagine showing up to your single life with a dance all the time, dancing through it. Imagine showing up, for example, to your date with this guy that you have no idea how it’s going to go with just nothing but laughter in your heart and things like that rather than the pressure and the angst, the stories, “Is it going to work? I don’t know. Am I going to be good enough? Is he going to be good enough? Will I like you? Will it go well? What is this going to mean long-term?”
You’re adding all these feelings to your body, and that’s what you don’t want to have to feel. If you want to overcome your fears, you go into those same circumstances that make you scared, and you change the emotion and you change the physicality and you change the psychology, also known as the way that you’re thinking about it. Again, these don’t have to be massive things. Janet is saying, “Heart palpitation, shortness of break, and shaking a bit.” Yeah, those are the symptoms of an anxious body. Exactly. Thank you for sharing that, Janet.
Let’s talk about, for example, a really, really tangible technique. I already talked to you about laughter, and you know it sounds silly, but if you can get yourself to laugh when you’re having shortness of breath or overwhelm, and I mean like a real heart laugh, oh, my god, you’ll change your relationship to the thing that you’re scared of forever. You open a really powerful, new pathway. That’s how I’ve healed so many of my fears, not by trying to control them perfectly or avoid them perfectly. That’s not healing from them. That’s just avoiding them and letting them have all the power about where you go and what you can do.
But what you do when you’re feeling those palpitations, you’re shaking a bit, you’re doing all of this, what I love to do is I imagine a rainbow of love just coming over my body, literally dripping over my body. I can physically feel that. I can physically feel this, “Yum.” You can imagine it however you want. Imagine your favorite ice cream flavor coming through your body. Taste it. Sing your favorite song, the one that makes you feel like a powerhouse, like a strong, capable person. Bring an emotion of joy or of love into your body and into your thoughts while that’s going on, and trust me, you will forever transform that fear.
This happens for me all the time. One of my biggest fears has been around being honest with one of my particular family members who just drives me crazy, but I really want to have a more authentic relationship. I always get nervous when I’m about to talk to this person, “Are they going to reject me? Are they going to be defensive? Are they going to yell at me? Are they going to accept whatever?” I can feel the tightness with which I go into that situation.
What I have done or what I do before that is I first imagine it all in my head, me going in, being rejected by this person, them not accepting my vulnerability, them not warming up to my desire for connection with them, and me just being able to laugh and love myself through it and dance and shimmy every time they say something weird. I mean, that’s my energetic expression of joy and love, but what’s yours? How do you move when you’re in joy, when you’re in love, when you’re in happiness? If you can change, once again, the emotional experience of the physical outcome, then you overcome the fear because you’re not scared of the outcome, you’re scared of the feelings itself, and guess what, we can work with and transform our feelings.
You are a superhuman. You don’t have to be scared of anything. All you have to do is ask yourself the question, “What am I unwilling to fear here in this fear? The rejection, the loneliness.” Then go in. Be with that feeling, that experience and being rejected or being lonely or being broke or being whatever, go into that and change the way you think about it and change the way you physically relate to it, and a new neural pathway starts that allows you start relating to this experience completely different. That is the definition of freedom, to be able to work with your own mind and body so you choose how you relate to people and to things and to places, and therefore, you choose how you show up to and feel everywhere you go in life, and you never have to be hijacked by fear or anxiety again. Awesome, awesome, awesome stuff.
If you guys want more of where these amazing tools come from, obviously, this is just a 15-minute live, but I would love to share with you guys my really, really in-depth technique. I do have a free training on the process of really moving your life from fear to freedom, and I’m going to put the link in the comments below as soon as I end this live. Thank you for sharing all of your vulnerability and fears with me today, and we will move past them together. Namaste. I’ll see you guys next week. Lots of love.
P.S. Whenever you’re ready… here are 4 ways I can help you embrace self-love and build bulletproof mental health:
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